There’s a new moon ‘Eclipse’ on the horizon which makes this as good a time as any to discuss the unceasingly naive romantic notions that our movies and culture shove down the throats of girls, the worst of which center on – you guessed it – “relationships.”
Twilight shapes dysfunctional young girls
Let me be super clear that I’m not a Twilight hater, but I haven’t read any of Stephanie Myer’s series and I know that makes me an oddball (especially for a girl). So please pardon my self-acknowledged ignorance of the written material, but rest-assured that I’ve been informed clearly by those in the know that Myer does a great job of explaining “It” more fully in her books. Greater, I hope, than the ways the movie franchise has so-far handled “It”: True Love.
From Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People:
Oh. My. God. The new Twilight: Eclipse (isn’t that a kind of gum?) poster is so emo, I fear it may actually try to cut itself. (Agent Bedhead) *
Exactly. In our culture, it’s not like there’s a plethora of healthy amorous relationships for young girls to emulate to begin with. How is any self-respecting girl supposed to grow up to be a self-respecting woman in relationships (and even before that, single or in her quest for them) when this influential franchise puts out such misleading messages? Note the post break-up depression scene in New Moon, with female lead Bella sitting catatonic in a chair, numb to the passage of time as the seasons go morosely by. This is as if to ask, what sort of life could this interesting girl possibly have without a boy/man (albeit a hot century-old one needing SPF 300 and fang tip protectors) to define her?
(And yes, I do remember being eighteen, but I might’ve been closer to thirteen when everything registered “10” on the Richter scale of drama. I suppose, on top of my rant about pop culture’s schmaltzy selling of True Love, I’m a bit oldschool in my wariness of enabling yet more psycho-emotional developmental retardation in Gen Y and younger. That can’t be good for them…or us…)
When I was a teen, I connected with my future “perfect guy” by spiritually – and pragmatically – thinking about what qualifying qualities he would need: supportive of my vision and successes in life, a fully realized adult himself, and most of all… happy. I didn’t waste too much time on what he would look like, or if he would have to be rich, or what he would do for a living. (For the record, I did seriously debate whether or not I could ever marry for money… My answer was ‘no,’ which meant I would have to go out and make my own money!) To this day, I still spiritually conjure up what I want – and who I want – by knowing what does and doesn’t work for me. I’ve realized that developing a sense of self is very spiritual and all about connecting to your highest purpose.
What do you think?
Have we been so deeply imprinted by cultural messages that we’ve become disconnected from our own thoughts and values enough that the media can dictate how we feel about — well, ourselves and what we look for in relationships? The Twilight series plot points remind me of reasons why a lot of grown women I know seem to be frustrated and perpetually searching for some ideal man who doesn’t exist outside a fantasy serial. These beautiful women are waiting around for the “rescue” (whether amorous, financial or otherwise) before they give themselves permission to start living fully. Am I just under-informed or overwrought about the harmful message in this movie franchise’s True Love messaging?
Please, enlighten me, Twilight freakistas. The example of oh-so-desolate Bella simply triggered my internal dialogue. What do you think about the media’s harmful portrayal and perpetuation of True Love? Does the Twilight series fall in line with the rest of the negative relationship models out there?
* Since this article ran originally, I’ve been schooled that this sort of sarcasm is a dangerous exploitation of the self-harm that some people suffer from. That was and is not my intention, and I do not belittle the seriousness of such afflictions, but I leave the remark as is here for the expression that supports my article’s original point.
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Well, I’d been all smug, thinking I’d completed avoided the Twilight madness; I mean, I’ve been through a long marriage, a divorce, and the break-up of another lengthy relationship. I thought I was completely realistic about relationships.
I have a Kindle (I promise this is relevant) and many publishers regularly offer free downloads of books. A week ago, I downloaded one. It was a romance (which I don’t normally read – unless it’s free) and fantasy (which I never read). I finished the book quickly, realized it was the first in a series, and quickly downloaded the remaining three (nothing like a Kindle for instant gratification!)
So, by Friday of last week, I’d read all four books. The fifth doesn’t come out until January. I’m going through fantasy/romance withdrawal! me! The relationship realist, who has a Master’s degree in Russian lit!
What most surprised me were the feelings I felt towards the main male character. I am stunned to realize how emotionally attached I am to him. He’s not exactly what you’d call a “hero”. Definitely morally questionable, which made my reaction EVEN MORE STUNNING.
I have spent the past day researching the psychological reasons behind it, and wondering if we are hard-wired somewhere (evolutionary) to look for someone who can “protect” us physically (very much what this character does). I’m still searching but so far, yeah, it does seem to be an evolutionary trait. Whatever it is has completely bypassed my logic!
Thanks for this amazing share, Jennifer. This is exactly the kind of deep imprinting and unconscious messaging I’m talking about at this whole column. ‘Twilight’ was just a convenient and most recent tool for me to serve up this concept about dysfunctional relationship messages. I’m like you, practical and I believe in responsible and respectful relationships over romantic fluff. But I can tell you my earliest memory in this realm, at age 3, automatically brought up a movie close-up image of a man romantically holding a woman, face-to-face breathiness, waves crashing in the background behind them. It’s definitely (media) cultural and IN there deeply, all these messages we don’t realize aren’t completely our own. This whole notion of “can’t wait” (till next book), bonding with the male anti-hero, is all so much like excitement for a date with a yummylicious flesh and blood man. It’s intoxicating. There is most definitely a brain chemistry reaction such media messages elicit in us. If strong, experienced and fully grown women can be made to feel this way, what chance does an over-hormoned, still-developing her ideas, impressionable young girl or woman stand to withstand the easy seduction? Why should she work on developing her skills toward becoming a fully nuanced being, not just caring what she looks like, or worse only on her sexual aspects for pleasure and manipulation? These are short-lived tools and very blunt ones if they’re the only ones tuned and sharpened. And as with everything else, it’s all about the practice, baby.
Please update me with ANYTHING you find in your research that is relevant and you feel good about sharing. This fascinating stuff for me borders on a lifelong obsession. Most sincere thanks again.